Confessions of a Formula-feeding Mum or My Breastfeeding Experience

Sixtine is formula-fed. Discuss.

Breast-feeding vs formula-feeding seems to be a very hot subject lately. I want to tell you the story of my breastfeeding experience.

I became a mum on the seventeenth of October, at 9.08am. My body was naturally ready to feed my baby. Me, not so much. I never really gave a big thought about breastfeeding. I had breasts, I would produce milk, breastfeed my daughter and all would be well in the world. When Sissi was born and they had made sure she was fine, they put her on my chest. And we cuddled. It was a very special moment. She was so little. This skin-to-skin experience was amazing and I will always remember it. Then they put her to my breast. And she started to suck. It felt different but in a positive way, and I felt happy and empowered to be able to provide for my daughter. It wasn’t always easy to find the right position to feed her, but the nurses and lactation consultant were there to help. I started to feel confused after a few hours when different opinions were voiced and that the lactaction consultant told me that if baby was awake, she was hungry which led to a 6-hour (I may be exaggerating but slightly – I was tired so my memory is a little foggy) feeding (on and off) or at least, she was on the breast for those six hours. She was not sleeping, so she was hungry?

We returned home and the real challenge started. Oh dear…! I was beyond exhausted and baby was eating every 2 hours. I wasn’t always confident in the way I was doing it (is she getting any, is she latched on properly…) and it started to hurt. It went from mildy painful to oh-my-god-she-will-probably-wake-up-in-ten-minutes-please-don’t-wake-up-yet.

I loved the emotional aspect of breastfeeding but it wasn’t comfortable for me at all. It hurt a lot. I was always wet. And was somehow disturbed by that new function on a physical aspect: nipple hurting when seeing baby, extreme leakage, wet bed, shirts, everything…

It became very stressful, and extremely painful as in tears and ahh-ohhhs, and sobbs and crying so much one night I had to call a friend. I couldn’t keep my calm and told her how hard it was for me (she was still breastfeeding and I felt comfortable “confessing” myself. She’s not the judgemental type. That helps.) and she advised phoning Public Health which I did.

A nurse came in and checked me out. I felt very vulnerable at that time. Labor and delivery, an episiotomy and breasts in fire, anything she would have said would have made me cry. Even the word “sandwich”. Anyways, she checked my nipples and said: “no one could breastfeed with nipples like that.” It made me feel better because I thought I was being a “baby”. I saw a Dr who prescribed a cream Dr. something (can’t remember – baby brain anyone?), nipple shells, I was all geared up. The plan was to pump for a couple day until my nipples would get better so I could go back to breastfeeding Sixtine. I did feel better. Much better. So I decided to give it another try. My mum was home with me for the first two weeks of baby Sixtine’s life and saw how I was struggling and really highly suggested I formula-feed her seeing me in such pain. When I put Sixtine to the breast after two days off, I said to my mum: “I am scared, she is gonna bite me.” She answered: “You are scared of your own child” and laughed it off. I tried and she made a funny face. A look that said: “don’t want it”. After a couple more times, I assumed she didn’t like being on the breast anymore and I felt hurt but relieved. I decided then to pump my milk and give her expressed milk in a bottle. It worked wonders ! Didn’t hurt at all (anyone has noticed how big nipples get after pumping !?) and I felt good about the fact that she was still getting expressed milk. I was very good at it and was even able to freeze some. After a bit, I wasn’t home much and wasn’t able to pump as much as I used to and ended up producing less milk which made me wonder if I should buy my own pump or stop pumping completely. (The pump I was using was borrowed to the Public Health.)

I decided to stop. Formula was introduced once the frozen breastmilk ran out. I felt guilty at first and slowly, I started feeling somewhat ok with it. I think the feeding choice is a very personal one and I wish it wasn’t looked up or down so much.

My baby got a month and a half of breastmilk and I just want to hear: it is ok, you did your best.

 

The Little Red Farm Worldwide Cultural Exchange l Follow-up

 If  you haven’t read my previous post about the worldwide cultural exchange we have signed up for, you can do so here. We were “assigned” four other families located in: Singapore, the United States, the United Kingdom and France (but it is a Brazilian family). I decided to represent both France and Canada thinking it would be more fun ! I posted two care packages with Canadian goodies to the Brazilian and the British family this afternoon and I have just started working on the French goodies. It was a lot of fun to put together the first two packages and hope they will enjoy their packages ! 

Sign up here: Worldwide Cultural Exchange

Sneak-Peek:

Homecoming or Paris I missed you

We arrived in Paris on the 15th. It has been great so far. We are missing Papa and family but it feels so good to be home. My home. My mother and sisters. My streets. My smells. My shops. My people. My weather. So far we have enjoyed seeing family, a wonderful weather, daily strolls, Starbucks and simply living life…

I can’t believe how much good a little bit of sun and social life can do.

A Thank You Letter To Air Canada

I flew to Paris on the 15th of March with baby Sixtine. I was very nervous about pretty much everything related to the trip and I have nothing but compliments for Air Canada. We flew from the airport of Charlottetown, the smallest airport I’ve ever been to but also the less stressful and most friendly. We were allowed 50 pound (23 kilos) each (baby and me), plus a carry-on each and a stroller.

• I was allowed to check-gate my (huge) Graco jogger stroller as well as car seat.
• I wasn’t charged for overweight luggage – I honestly don’t think it would have been more than a couple pounds but I did cross my fingers and held my breath.
• The airport staff in Charlottetown was very helfpul. They carried the baby for me whenever needed.
• On both flights – there are no direct flights to Paris from Charlottetown, PEI – I was able to check-in first.
• The Air Canada air hostess were wonderful. Smiley, helpful, and very friendly. I had a ton of things to carry everywhere with me; stroller, diaper bag, laptop (the one that died), purse, sweater, coat…and I don’t know how I would have done it without them. I was so stressed and tired that I kept forgetting stuff. Laptop in stroller, coat in plane, I really was absent-minded then and they never made me feel like I was bothering them.
• The bassinet was great as it allowed me to eat, and have a little nap.
• Finally, I should thank my own daughter for being a delightful co-traveler. She slept, ate and was the happiest little lady on board. Her ears didn’t bother her during take off and landing.

Operating System Not Found

Have you ever heard of the Push present?  

A push present (also known as a “push gift” or “baby bauble”) is a present a new father gives a new mother when she gives birth to their child. In practice the present may be given before or after the birth, or even in the delivery room. The giving of push presents has supposedly grown in the United States in recent years.

My husband offered me a pink computer a little before the baby’s birth. It died a few days ago. It is only been 6 months and it is dead. I was typing when a sudden, heart-breaking “Operating System Not Found” appeared on the screen. I was very upset but definitely not as upset as I was today when I got a phone call saying that my datas were GONE. FOREVER. 5 months of my baby’s life in pictures is gone. Resumes, and other important documents are gone as well. You might be thinking: “She should have saved them somewhere .” Well, I wanted to and I thought about it often but I didn’t. My data traveller was full. So here we are. I will confess that I cried. And this is still a very sensitive subject. But I am secretely hoping that I will be able to get my datas back someday, somehow.

Silent Sunday l I Saw An Angel

Spring Has Finally Sprung

What’s In Your Diaper Bag?

I sometimes live on the edge and go out without my daughter’s diaper bag. I almost always regret it. Even for a short trip out, there is always something I wish I had taken with us.

Her diaper bag is a lovely Eddie Bauer Canvas Tote and I absolutely love it. It is a very nice, versatile bag, with lots of room, and pockets for bottles. It doesn’t look like one at all which is why I love it.

I recently came across a post where the author was asking her readers what was in their purse. I really enjoyed reading it and thought I would create my own version !

You will find in Sixtine’s diaper bag:

• Green disposable diapers. I find it easier to use disposable when we are out and about but I still want her to use green-er ones.
• Chlorine-free, paraben-free, fragrance-free, 100% compostable and biodegradable wipes.
• Dr. Browns’ Bottle.
• Boiled water or Evian water.
• Good Start Formula.
• Spare soother.
• Book for baby. (optional)
• Tissues.
• Spare onesies, pants, and sometimes PJS if we are going out for the evening.
• Natural Face/Body balm. By Dimpleskins
• Weleda  baby oil. Great for dry skin, and Lusa, booty balm. Great with both disposable and cloth diapers and
• Hat.
• Her favorite going out toys: The Rhino Toy Ball with Rattle (offered by a friend) and her Teething Toy with crochet chocolate, coral, and teal wooden beads and two wooden rings.
• Grovia Wet Bag for baby’s dirty clothes and cloth diapers. (ps: they work wonderfully. We have huge one for a cloth diaper pail and I am very happy with it) The one in the picture is purple, ours are yellow (travel-small) and green (laundry -large size). I am not too fan of these two colors but I suppose they are so amazing that this is the only color that were left.

Now, tell me (or even better: show us – you can email your picture and I will add it) what is in YOUR diaper bag.

The (Magic) Soother

…or the day I thought to myself: “I am scre*** !”.

- Hi. My name is Deb and my daughter uses a pacifier.

- HI DEB !

When my daughter was born, she would stay on the breast for long hours, sucking on without discontinuing for the sake of sucking. It was really hard on me so we decided to use a pacifier to give me a break. She never really enjoyed her soother, except for bedtimes. So we only give her the pacifier when she goes to sleep (naps and bedtimes). I always wanted to use the hospital-type ones. However, when we started using one, I had free sample ones from NUK. So we went with that. A few months later, I decided to replace them for hygienic reasons. With the hospital-type ones. It took me a while to find them and I was pretty excited. FAIL. She hated them. So we kept using the two she liked until a couple days ago. I decided to get two more of the exact same kind she liked (NUK orthodontic pacifier) for back up. FAIL. She hates them.

Now, we are only relying on our two 4 month-old NUK pacifiers and I am starting to fear for my life sanity. I am going to try to wean her from the pacifier during daytime to start with. And pray that this magic soother of hers stays nice and put.

Any suggestions will be most welcomed.

Only child, two, three, or more? How do you know you are done having children?

My husband and I are first-time parents and we both come from a fairly large family; we both have 3 siblings. I always knew I wanted a baby girl – an only child. My pregnancy was really hard on both of us and I don’t think (as of now) that I could go through it again but I sometimes feel that it would be nice for Sixtine to have a sibling she could play with, confide in, and grow up with and I know my husband would love that too.
I did a silly quizz a couple days ago to find out how many children my husband and I would have – here is what the site came up with:

Congratulations

You’ve just calculated how many children will Deb and X have.

The number of children you’ll have:

2

The number of children in a family is a very personal, intimate and sometimes final decision and because I just had a baby, it is hard for me to picture being pregnant again anytime soon but I would like to ask: How do you know when you are done having children? What is your experience? Is it something that you decide, or something that you feel? Did you ever regret your decision? I would love to hear from you !