Only child, two, three, or more? How do you know you are done having children?

My husband and I are first-time parents and we both come from a fairly large family; we both have 3 siblings. I always knew I wanted a baby girl – an only child. My pregnancy was really hard on both of us and I don’t think (as of now) that I could go through it again but I sometimes feel that it would be nice for Sixtine to have a sibling she could play with, confide in, and grow up with and I know my husband would love that too.
I did a silly quizz a couple days ago to find out how many children my husband and I would have – here is what the site came up with:

Congratulations

You’ve just calculated how many children will Deb and X have.

The number of children you’ll have:

2

The number of children in a family is a very personal, intimate and sometimes final decision and because I just had a baby, it is hard for me to picture being pregnant again anytime soon but I would like to ask: How do you know when you are done having children? What is your experience? Is it something that you decide, or something that you feel? Did you ever regret your decision? I would love to hear from you !

 

 

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Comments

  1. bellissimom says:

    This is a topic my husband and I discuss quite a bit. We both think we only want one child but we have not even had our first yet. My husband is one of three and I am my mom’s only while my dad has two more. We just feel that at the point we are at in our lives that one makes sense. Of course, only time will tell.

    • Thanks for sharing. It is something I have really been wanting to discuss with others.
      I, too, think that one would make sense but I see how young siblings interact with each other and I would like my daughter to experience it. But she does have awesome little cousins who love her so that could be enough ! It is a very hard decision to make which is why I wanted to hear how others were dealing/dealt with it.

  2. Such a very personal decision…and it can also be complicated at times when both parents have different ideas or expectations. My husband and I also come from families with three kids…I think I always had it in my mind that I would like a maily of three kids as did my husband. However, after my first child…I definitely couldn’t imagine having another one. It was a difficult pregnancy and the first 4 months post delivery were so exhausting! We did in the end decide to have another child but did not even consider it until my first daughter was about 19 months (and then it happened quite soon after, so they are 2 1/4 yrs apart in age). By then, many of my memories had faded a bit and I felt like I was in a better place to make the decision. I also thought it would be nice for my eldest daughter to have a playmate. My second pregnancy was still difficult especially during the first trimester but not as bad and she was a much more easy-going child. A totally different experience. Watching them play now, and how much easier it has made life for us in many ways, I definitely think this was the right decision for our family. Once you have two though, I find most families are happy to stay with two (especially if they have a boy and a girl). Financial matters also play more of a role as you consider if you can afford to put all your kids through extra-curricular activities, private programs, upsizing your vehicle, moving into a bigger house, etc. If I only had one child, there would be a lot more programming options for her that I would consider continuing. Now that we have a third on the way, there are some sacrifices to be made…but for us, we feel that the reward is much greater. I’ve found that I’ve become more relaxed about things that used to really get to me, and I’ve also become more organized even in times of chaos…out of necessity! Plus, with more kids you’ll have that many more people to help you out when you’re older ๐Ÿ˜‰

    • I think time does make a difference. The baby being only 5 months, I just can’t see how I could have another one but I might change my mind in a couple years.
      I know my husband would love a second one – time will tell ! I know I want to be able to spend quality time with her, and be able to support whatever passion she may have. Thank you for a very thorough comment ๐Ÿ™‚ and congratulations on your pregnancy !

  3. For me, I want 2 at least. My husband and I discussed this thoroughly. 1 is too lonely, 2 is just nice! Now we just have to decide on when to have the second one ๐Ÿ™‚ my first born is slightly older than your daughter!

    • When to have the second one ! It is a good question ! I also wonder when is the best time to have another one. Close in age or wait until baby goes to school…?!
      When was your baby born?

      • my little sailor was born in august last year! and im 27 too! greetings from the tropical jungles of southeast asia! fantastic blog btw ๐Ÿ™‚

  4. Pregnancy and labour was not fun for me, but I was sure I wanted my daughter to have a sibling, so I gritted my teeth and had another. I’m glad I did, we love our second daughter to bits and the girls are best friends. They’re 2 years and 7 months apart. It was HARD the first year, like I could never imagine. But it’s worth it, for us. I’m not having anymore, she has her sibling, we have 2 kids, that’s all we need and all I can handle, seriously!

    Some people are just naturally made for lots of kids. They have more patience, don’t mind having less space and mess and stuff, or have lots of money and can have a big house, maybe have help around…not me!

    I can see benefits to having only one kid though, I feel bad for my daughter for losing the close relationship we had, when the baby came along. It’s just never the same again. But they are best friends and play together all day long, and are inseparable. So for us, 2 is just right. Have as many or few as you want and feel you can handle!

    • “Pregnancy and labour was not fun for me, but I was sure I wanted my daughter to have a sibling, so I gritted my teeth and had another.” This made me smile in a positive way. Because I can relate. Thank you for sharing with me – I really appreciate it.

  5. I think it changes as you do. I didn’t want more than one – I have three now and know I should stop because I had a bad pregnancy last time and the problems I had tend to be recurrent. I still want more children though, I’d love to adopt when I’m in a position to. Great blog, your daughter is gorgeous!

  6. MommaExpat says:

    We always wanted a lot, all one after another. (Hubs & I are 8 years older than each of our respective siblings). And then we had HJ. I love being a mom but babyhood is tough. I think at least one more is in our future, or2 if I’m feeling super confident in my momma skills. We’ll see…

  7. We have 2 little girls (aged 5 and 3) and it is magic. I found pregnancy tough both times (sick for 27 weeks and then contractions involving being hospitalised at 27 weeks with the first and same sickness and a 2 week labour(!) with the second, who was a huge baby…) The first year with 2 is hard but the girls are best friends and are never happier than when they’re together. I did feel sad for our first little girl that she’d miss the closeness that we had enjoyed, but she didn’t seem to miss it and adored her little sister from the start.
    We talk about having more but we feel so blessed with the two we have that this is probably it for us.
    Good luck with deciding!

  8. I thought I would be so happy when #2 came but I was shocked by what a bad ‘multi-tasker’ I was when it came to loving 2 kids. I regret that I didn’t enjoy my #2’s newborn and baby period as much because I was too busy resenting that I couldn’t have more time for #1. I think it was post-partum more than anything but I wonder how many other moms feel this way and never talk about it. I wish someone had warned me that it would be a possibility … I felt caught off guard.

    • Thank you for sharing – it is a very interesting issue that you are raising. This is one of the reason why I am not sure that I want a second child. I have a feeling that it would be really hard to cope with two and find the right balance and to be honest, I don’t know if I would be up for the challenge. How far apart in age are they?

  9. My sister wants children. I don’t. I’m married, she’s not. We were discussing once our differing maternal desires or undesires as it were and she said “It’s my body, something deep inside me that’s telling me to have children. Even though I’m not in a relationship right now and I’m not in a place to have children, there’s just this thing inside me that tells me that I will have them.” So I think it’s as you said – an intensely personal, maybe physical and spiritual need or quality that tells you what to do.

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