Going Back To Work (Hopefully) Soon and Separation Anxiety

Not eating sand YET.

I have been looking actively for a new position and in the hope of getting extended a job offer, I have been looking for childcare. I had a spot for Sixtine starting in September but they emailed me to let me know it wasn’t available anymore which left me very little time to organize myself. It was a French ECC – there is only one where I live so I was over-the-moon excited to get a spot! Anyways, I got over it and decided to look for home daycare until I get the Early Childhood Center of my choice. I am very looking forward to going back to  work, earn money, learn new things, use my brain a little more and have adult time and conversations but…

…then it hit me: WHAT AM I EVER GOING TO DO WITHOUT MY BABY? I miss her already. She drives me nuts but I love her so so much it hurts. I feel very emotional writing this because I always try to put myself in her shoes and I wonder how she is going to react to our separation. I, for one, know that I am going to miss my daughter like crazy after being 24/7 together for almost 9 months – so 18 months (including pregnancy) of constant love. When my husband got back to work at the end of his vacation, she appeared shy when he got back home. It didn’t last long though and she soon had a huge smile on her face for him but it won’t be the same. Because Sixtine and I have never been separated longer than a few hours (except that London getaway which lasted three days/she cried pretty much the whole time I was away and my heart ached so much). We are very fusional and I have been thinking…

Will she still love me? Will I still be her favorite person in the world? Will she resent me? Am I going to miss her milestones? I knew that separation was inevitable but as it gets closer and closer, and it gets heavier on my heart.

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Comments

  1. I can’t even imagine how you feel. Sure it will b hard, but it will hopefully make the time you spend with her more special, if that’s possible. 🙂

  2. It’ll be hard, but it’ll be good for both of you. Going back to work was tough for me, but it’s nice to have ‘adult’ interaction and get away from the house. Plus, Avery gets time with other kiddos and people – which has really paid off… he plays well with others and isn’t scared of new people when he meets our family and friends for the first time.

    • Yeah, I was also thinking that. Sixtine loves being around other children and she is a very social child so she will definitely enjoy going to daycare. I am just dreading her resentment :(. I hope she won’t reject me!

      • she won’t even know you’re gone. There will be so much to do and so many things to play with and other kids that she’ll be occupied and when you pick her up she’ll need to be pried away 🙂

  3. bellissimom says:

    That is a challenging decision but will probably be best for you both. You need your sanity to be a good mommy and she needs social interaction with other babies. Everyone says the first week or so is the hardest part but then it gets much better. And of course she will still love you. You are an excellent mom!

    • Thank you, I totally agree with you – it is going to take time for sure but I know it will get better. I need to work anyway (financially and for my sanity)! I am not cut for being a stay-at-home mum! Can’t believe it has been 9 months already! What are your plans? How old is your son now?

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